At the end of the curb

...when you needed me you paid attention
if something had to get done...you called and called.
you suddenly became my best friend because you thought that would be music to my ears
you told me thing that painted such a pretty fruitful picture in my mind
you made me believe that I was valuable to the bigger picture
but now i've come to realize that isn't so

the day came and went and everything went all well
now that it's all done and over
you are also done with me
i'm not asking for much but don't take me for granted neither
you've put me at the end of the curb now that my job is done and you've got no use for me
but you'll come around again when you find yourself in need of help and i won't be there


Ok, so just wanted to vent a bit about something. I don't appreciate it when at one point there are people who will constantly bug and badger a person to aid them. But once they've received the help, that it's done for them...that they no longer know you exist. Just because you got what you need from the person, does not mean that you no longer have to deal with them.

I can't truly express what it is that I'm feeling inside...but all I know is that if I didn't just let out my anger and frustration out it will just fester inside me and make me miserable.

...i'm so cheesed right now...
why?? just cause...
cause of people's small gestures to show me that they care one way or another....

...i'm pretty open when it comes to showing people that i care about them
i usually go out of my way to point it out to them...
and so when someone in return shows me that they care...
it causes my heart to smile.

my heart smiles when i think about the special people in my life....and the gift of their friendship

i'm feeling depressed today...this week actually. Everything is starting to just build up inside of me...and it's starting to suffocate me. To a point where all I want to do is just cry...and cry until I can't cry anymore. I can't even explain why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Because I don't even know why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling right now. Nothing seems to be going right...nothing ever happens as they should. Change is the inevitable...and it's how we deal with change that matters, isn't it??

There is so much weight on my shoulders of the burden that I seem to be carrying from work, life, family, finances etc. I can't stand the idea of standing in this exact same spot and doing nothing. I can no longer wear a smile on my face, when deep down inside I'm dying slowly. It's getting to the point where I'm ready to pack my things and not look back. There's this urgency within me to flee from all that is familiar and to venture into something so unfamiliar. However, even with the unfamiliarity of what may lie ahead...there's this feeling of comfort slowly burning in the deepest parts of my soul.

Maybe there I will find that happiness or even that missing link or discover something about myself that I failed to find these past few years. I haven't felt this depressed in such a long time. Last time I was this depressed...I didn't like the person in the mirror. I want to take over before it's too late.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
5

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,
10

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
15

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference

-Robert Frost

friendship

The value of a friendship can mean so many things to so many people.

I truly value my friendship...granted I do take some for granted. But the ones that I do hold near and dear to my heart, I try my best to cherish them. I don't want to count how many times you did this for me, or how long I've known you. I just want to know that unconditionally you'll always be there for me to support me, to encourage me and to appreciate me.

Lately, I've turned to certain people in my life to be that shoulder to cry on, to be that ear that listens to me vent endlessly, that sound board to throw out my ideas to. And I can't express how grateful I am to them. You're friendship brings a smile to my soul to know that there are people out there who aren't looking for anything back in return. I hope that when the time comes when you'll need that special friend, that you can turn to me to take on your heavy burdens.

understanding

So, I'm blogging a bit early when I should be getting ready for work. I'm just tired...tired of everything. Not even physically tired but emotionally and psychologically drained. I'm not impressed with the indirect guilt trips, or shots at me. I'm not perfect I understand that. But all I'm asking for is just a little bit of understanding. Try to understand my side of the situation. I've looked at all angles of the situation and I understand your side. But if the tables were turned would I be understanding? Of course I would be.

I just want to give up...not care about my dreams, my aspirations, my hopes for a better life. For what?? Just to please everyone. But I'm so tired of having to please everyone. I want to make MY own decisions, MY own choices and worry about ME! I'm trying not to let my day be ruined but I can't help it.

Thanks to those who have listened to me vent since last night and have understood me. You guys are always there when I need that shoulder to turn to and that ear to listen to me. I'm sorry for being such a Princess! lols

nonsense

In life, we sometimes try to go out and find "love". But what exactly does love look like? How do we know when love is standing right infront of us? For some people, love is having butterflies flying around in the pit of your stomach at even the thought of that special someone. For others, love is learning to accept the not so good qualities in that someone.

I think that the search or the discovery of love is similar to finding your favourite ice cream flavour. Ice cream and love?? Well, think about walking into an ice cream parlour and you're bombarded with a variety of flavours to choose from. You walk up and down, you read the names of the flavours but in the end you have to choose just one. But how do you know which one to choose or which one will be your favourite? Well, you end up having to try a few flavours here and there until you finally decide what you want. Have you ever chosen a flavour because it looked so yummy and even the name was tempting, but after just one lick you realize you made the worst choice ever. Similar to love...you don't always get the right flavour and often we're so blinded by the way it looks. But all we can really do is just keep trying.

So you've finally found that favourite ice cream flavour...and no matter which ice cream parlour you go to, you just have to have that same flavour. And you notice that each and every time, there's a new flavour being introduced but you still go for the safe flavour because you know that you like it and you know what it's all about. You have found that you're quite comfortable with just that ONE flavour. Often, we as people get into that same pattern to "love"....we get COMFORTABLE. We just settle for that one flavour without trying out the rest of the flavours not realizing that we could potentially be missing out on the hottest flavour out there.

Ok, so you're all probably wondering...where is she going with this blog? Well, I suppose what I'm getting at is that we have to keep trying until we find that perfect one but it doesn't always mean we have to settle just because we're comfortable.

Ok ok already...basically I thought I'd blog because I wanted to vent what I was feeling inside. There's a boy...ok...well there's two so far. And yeah, I think I like the one because physically he's my type. And well then there's the other guy...and well I like his personality. Both two great guys...but two guys who disappoint me equally. One only calls when he needs something from me...and the other has stopped calling. It's been a long time since I've been involved with anyone...and maybe I'm starting to get to that age where I feel like it's time to settle. And when you have that feeling, you're not quite sure if the feelings you have for someone is all that genuine.

So now I've vowed to myself...that I wouldn't give in to either of these guys. I won't attempt at calling either one of them...and just see what happens.

July 24th Horoscope

Your recent attempts to catch the eye of that certain someone haven't been as successful as you had hoped they would be, and it's time to realize that you should move on. The more energy you waste on someone who isn't responsive, the less energy you have to start discovering new interests. Your life is about way more than having a relationship or getting someone to notice you. Think more about pleasing yourself right now -- and less about pleasing others.