Enough is enough

So my parents have been away along with my brother for 6 weeks, and at first I must admit it was quite an adjustment to get use to coming home to an empty house. But after 1 or 2 weeks, I started to get use to living on my own....no one to tell me when to go to bed...ask me where I was going...or why I was coming home so late. Imagine, six weeks of coming and going, getting things done around the house when I wanted to without the feeling of guilt of leaving it for so long. I started thinking to myself "I can really get use to living like this. Living on my own."

Fast forward to the present, and what do I find. I'm worrying about not coming home right after work, I'm concerned about leaving at an "inappropriate" time to go hang out with friends. You guessed it, the family is back home. After weeks of not having anyone to worry about except for myself, I find myself once again worry about these people. And not only is it worrying about them...but stressing about them.

The day they arrived home and they got into the SUV at the airport, I sat there beside my mom and I could feel my chest starting to get tight again. A feeling that I almost forgot about for 6 weeks. My headaches were coming back...and I was short of breathe. My mother makes me feel this way. I hate to admit it but I think that my mother is the root of all my stress or anxiety attacks in my life. She makes me feel so stressed. I think my BP levels rise whenever I'm around her.

Don't get me wrong, I care deeply for my parents and would be terribly upset if something were to happen to them. But I think I've come to realize that it's time that I were on my own. In my own place, away from the stress and feelings of guilt. Enough is enough...I no longer want to be a prisoner of my own thoughts...I want to feel free...and relaxed. I'll make it a point that in the next year or two, moving out is on my list of priorities.

No more stress....no more anxiety attacks....enough is enough.....

...2008....

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

It's a new year...and it's a time when people wipe their slates clean to start fresh. I, like many others hope for a year that's filled with love, good fortune and happiness. So, after a lot of thinking I have thought about what it is that I want to accomplish this year.


This year I want to...

• to be open to try anything. This one thing could mean a year filled with happiness and possibly love. This year I want to hear more of "yeah, sure I'll try it..why not?" instead of "Um...no thanks". But at the same time I want to be able to confidently say "NO" when it is necessary for me to say it so that I will not be taken of advantage of due to my "nice-ness".
• finally say "good bye" to a huge chunk of my debts. It's so easy to get yourself into debt, but seems almost impossible to get out of it. I want to be free of it before I at least turn 30 (which isn't too far away! eeks!)
• start saving more money to finally buy my first home before the age of 30 years old all on my own!
• re-establish my relationship with Him. I've lost my way and have been so distracted that I have left little to no time for Him. I want to talk toHhim on a daily basis...get closer to Him...and live my life for Him.
• strengthen my relationships with those that I love and hold dear to my heart. I want to spend more time with my family and work on the communication that often times falls apart.
• find myself and my purpose in Life. Why am I really here on Earth for?? What does He have planned for me?? I want to start loving myself all over again. When did I start to hate myself again?? Why am I not content with who I am?

The list may seem long...and impossible but without something to aim for, I will achieve nothing.