Enough is enough

So my parents have been away along with my brother for 6 weeks, and at first I must admit it was quite an adjustment to get use to coming home to an empty house. But after 1 or 2 weeks, I started to get use to living on my own....no one to tell me when to go to bed...ask me where I was going...or why I was coming home so late. Imagine, six weeks of coming and going, getting things done around the house when I wanted to without the feeling of guilt of leaving it for so long. I started thinking to myself "I can really get use to living like this. Living on my own."

Fast forward to the present, and what do I find. I'm worrying about not coming home right after work, I'm concerned about leaving at an "inappropriate" time to go hang out with friends. You guessed it, the family is back home. After weeks of not having anyone to worry about except for myself, I find myself once again worry about these people. And not only is it worrying about them...but stressing about them.

The day they arrived home and they got into the SUV at the airport, I sat there beside my mom and I could feel my chest starting to get tight again. A feeling that I almost forgot about for 6 weeks. My headaches were coming back...and I was short of breathe. My mother makes me feel this way. I hate to admit it but I think that my mother is the root of all my stress or anxiety attacks in my life. She makes me feel so stressed. I think my BP levels rise whenever I'm around her.

Don't get me wrong, I care deeply for my parents and would be terribly upset if something were to happen to them. But I think I've come to realize that it's time that I were on my own. In my own place, away from the stress and feelings of guilt. Enough is enough...I no longer want to be a prisoner of my own thoughts...I want to feel free...and relaxed. I'll make it a point that in the next year or two, moving out is on my list of priorities.

No more stress....no more anxiety attacks....enough is enough.....